i permit you to call me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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