A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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