sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
