You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
