Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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