It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think my vagina is haunted
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
