not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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