I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
