i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My life is pants optional.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
