yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
