My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
