I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
