I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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