Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
