thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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