All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
