Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
