please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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