I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize