No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The air was thick with penises
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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