Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
