Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
