Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You're like the curious george of whores
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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