I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
