She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize