dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
