Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
