I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
