If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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