just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
