I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize