escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the room spins SO much faster in panama
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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