You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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