i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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