I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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