He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
