you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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