We're facebook friends in real life
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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