Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
