What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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