She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
