you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
