hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
