so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
