so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Girls should come with a carfax report
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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