Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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