we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just invented taco cereal.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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