I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
