just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
