the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
