shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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