Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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