so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
