I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
