The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
