Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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