Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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