I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
