I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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