I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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