Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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