hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He shit in the fireplace
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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