dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
