I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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