apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
