dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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