Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
where does the pee come out of this thing
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
