I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
