i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My vagina is very pro this idea
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
