But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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