Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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