I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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