that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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