Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
