ugly people sure do ruin things
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
