I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
