i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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