you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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