:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
