he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So vagazzling was a success
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
