I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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